Happiness on Hold

“Please hold.  A happiness representative will be with you shortly.”

 

Why do so many of us put our happiness on hold?  How many times have I heard friends and relatives who hate their jobs say, “It’s only for another 2 more years, 5 more years, 10 more years…?”  So many people I’ve talked to who are in relationships that aren’t working simply sigh, “Yeah, it’s not great, but I don’t think I can find anyone better.”

 

Are you kidding me?  Have we become so fearful and so hopeless, caring so little about ourselves that we’re willing to sell ourselves short and settle for unhappiness?  Life is short, people.  We didn’t come here to be miserable, or even moderately unhappy.

 

That’s not to say that we don’t go through bouts of unhappiness in our lives; that’s part of the human condition.  But choosing to stay stuck, to stay the victim of circumstances that make us feel resentful, hurt, angry, in pain, or some other flavor of “unhappy” is something entirely different.

 

I’ve found that there are two distinct types of unhappy people:  those who are unhappy in the short-term and those who are perpetually unhappy.  You can tell the difference over time.  The short-term unhappy folks are having a hard time of it through a certain period in their lives, a divorce, a death, serious illness, an unpleasant job situation, etc.  However, they eventually work their way out the other end, either by healing, changing their negative situation, or realizing it’s their own behavior or attitude that must change to improve their lives.

 

The unhappy lifers, meanwhile, are always unhappy.  It doesn’t matter what the situation is; they always find something to complain about.  They can get all of the helpful advice and support in the world; there’s no way their lives are getting any better.  Clearly, they’re getting some sort of pay-off for staying unhappy.

 

A sub-category of the perpetually unhappies is the part-time unhappies.  These are people who are only happy when someone else is making them feel good.  I have a former friend Sharon who was only happy when she was dating someone.  As soon as she broke up, she went back to complaining again.  Similarly, another former friend John was only upbeat when he had a supervisor at work that constantly recognized him for his achievements.  As soon as his supervisor changed or the praise stopped, he became downer dude again.  Both of them found it hard to maintain friendships and other relationships, as their constant negativity was a real drain on others.  Of course, losing these relationships only gave them more to complain about….

 

I hope I’m not offending anyone who’s religious or putting off anyone who isn’t, but think about this: every major world religion encourages us to be happy.  The entire Buddhist philosophy is based on helping people to overcome their suffering.  Jesus didn’t say, “I’m going to die on a cross so you can suffer even more than I did.”  Heaven is supposed to be a happy place, not a bummer.

 

So, the next time you hear yourself saying, “I’m only in this crappy job for 2 more years,” making excuses about needing the money or whatever else, stop for a second.  The next time you realize you’re settling for Mr. or Mrs. Wrong, fearing, “This is the best I can get,” think again.  Instead, ask yourself these pointed questions: “Why am I valuing myself so little that I’m willing to stay unhappy?”  “What can I do to change my situation, or if I can’t change my situation, how can I change my attitude to view things more positively?”

 

I think this quote by Bernadette Devlin sums it up nicely:  “Yesterday I dared to struggle.  Today I dare to win.”

 

Are you happy?

 

 © 2009 by Laurie Gardner