Safe, Not Stuck: Embracing Lack of Change

As I ponder the start to the new year, at first, I feel sorry for myself. I make the foolish, painful mistake of comparing myself to others and focusing on what’s missing in my life instead of all the good things I have. It can be all too easy to go down this path.   

Then it hits me, as rain pours outside my windows while I sip a mug of cocoa, cozy and warm: My life hasn’t been changing the way I’d like, not because I’m stagnating, but because my spirit has needed consistency to feel safe. Like a plant tucked snugly in its soil, in a corner of the garden in the sun, my steady, nourishing surroundings have enabled me to feel secure and cared for enough to grow and even bloom.

I often feel frustrated and fearful that my life isn’t changing. When will my career and prosperity expand. . . and where the hell is my Mr. Right? But when I think about it, I don’t want all of my life to change. I love my strong, healthy body and beautiful, comfortable home.

I teach my personal growth coaching clients about the “four legs of the stool”: work, relationships, health, and home – the core areas of our lives. If too many of them are up in the air at once – in transition or not working for us – we feel unstable. Because the health and home legs of my stool are solidly on the ground, I’ve been able to ready myself and explore more to create a purposeful career I love and look forward to finding true love.

And while my life has looked the same on the outside for a long time now, I’ve grown in leaps and bounds in wisdom inside. I’m nowhere near the same person who ran off to fast on a vision quest ten years ago and left behind her entire world to start life anew. Since then, I’ve discovered we don’t always have to make big, rapid changes; small, gradual progress leads to happiness just as true.

So, if you’re feeling stuck in one or more areas of your life, try reframing your view: Consistency, not stagnation. Safe, not stuck. Consider looking with gratitude at the pieces of your life that have stayed the same. Some are blessed with loving partners, family, and friends as they deal with challenging health issues or explore their careers. Others have consistent income from their job to support them as they explore something new. Instead of getting angry or beating yourself up for your life being “painfully” the same, ask if perhaps you’ve needed constancy to help you feel secure enough to evolve, on levels and in ways that may not be outwardly visible, but are even more critical to becoming who you truly are.

Many people teach, “embrace change.” I say, also, embrace constancy. It may be exactly what you need right now to become your best self.

© 2019 by Laurie Gardner

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16 Responses

  1. Thank you for the excellent points you have made, Laurie. It does seem that people in general have the tendency to take what they already have for granted, and focus on whatever they think is currently missing in their life. We all need to appreciate more what we already have achieved, and simply set goals to to try and achieve what we feel is missing but attainable. As you said, small and gradual progress is sufficient. Reaching one’s goals isn’t as important as appreciating what one already has, in my opinion. That way, one can actually feel happy about all that one has already achieved and view attaining one’s goals as the “icing on the cake.” I think that all of us can be happy just realizing that there are so many people out there who are less fortunate, no matter where we are on the ladder of success. It’s good to have goals, but we shouldn’t let obtaining them override appreciating and being happy about what we already have. You have offered some excellent advice and I greatly appreciate it.

  2. I am going through this right now and I couldn’t have read this at a better time. Really resonated with me. Thank you Laurie!

  3. I loved this one. I can completely relate…

    Yes, those fantastic vision quests, workshops and trips are amazing. They feel like the fast movement I think I need. But, I think I’ve grown more while stuck at home in the last 2 years since my sister’s death than I ever have on those heart pounding adventures. I’m grateful that you reminded me.

  5. This is a great entry! Maybe I think that because I go through this same thought process at least 5 times a week much less a couple times a year, though it varies of course based on ups and downs, distorted by moods and how the day is going. Unlike most people I love change, it makes me feel alive and like I’m making things happen. Lack of change makes me feel like a failure regardless of what fruit I am seeing from my labors. Of course being a failure and feeling like a failure are different and your perspective often helps me see the difference.

    I watched a vid in the last week on my linkedin feed talking about how doing things that are good for you and are in a good direction, like going to the gym, show no progress whatsoever when you finish, it takes the constancy of which you speak to believe there will be an improvement.

    There are tons of people saying too much on the internet and in everyone’s inbox, but we all stop to listen to someone who has something to say. You always have something interesting and original to say, so keep it up!

    Have a great year and thanks again for being an inspiration!

    Nelson

    1. Thanks, Nelson…and so true what you say about the connection between how lack of change can falsely cause us to feel like failures. Our society is so dang achievement-oriented; we often forget what true success is: Being the best, most loving person we can at all times and learning from our mistakes.

      Big hugs and thanks for your sweet words.

      Laurie

  6. Laurie, Loved this article! Very well written, and insightful and I shared it with my coaching cohort and will be using if to support a shift in perspective with some of my coaching clients. I will ensure that I acknowledge you and shine your light in doing so. Many thanks for sharing,
    Your friend, Pete,
    Simmonds Coaching & Training, Professional Coach!

  7. Beautiful post dearest Laurie, and so timely! I’ve had so many conversations with people in the past month about this very thing … the idea that there is something else we should be doing, aspiring to, thinking about. I love the idea of shifting the focus on the “safe” – the things that hold us up everyday and the things we are lucky to have and probably take for granted. I will be carrying this theme with me anytime people open up about this and I think it’s a great theme for a yoga class!

    1. Thanks, Corinne, for sharing your thoughts, here and with others! The more we validate and support each other, right where we are, even as we reach for bigger hopes and dreams, the happier we all will feel!

  8. Hi Laurie,

    I just checked out your website ????

    I wanted to learn more about you, and all that you’re doing. Wow!!! I love what you have to say; your words go resonate with me! Especially ” safe, not stagnant “. I’m creating new life experiences, and moving forward in new directions. I’m continuing to stay present to it all, and enjoy in the process, letting go off the outcome’s. Thank you so much for sharing your words of wisdom! Warmly, Cyrelle

    1. Hi Cyrelle,

      So lovely to meet you! Glad my writing resonates with you…sounds like you’ve got great, positive growth and learning happening…powerful (and important) that you’re stay Awake and present to it all!

      If you’re interested in personal growth coaching, pop me an email. Keep shining!

      Warmly, Laurie

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