How to be happy is no easy question, nor is there a short answer. Great philosophers and spiritual teachers have spent centuries tackling the quest for human happiness. Letting go of struggle and negativity and freeing yourself to joyously love and be loved is a lifelong journey. Meanwhile, there are a few basic check-points on the road map to happiness that can help guide your way:
Where am I stuck? If you’re not feeling consistently happy and joyous, what’s blocking you? In my upcoming book, The Road to Shine, I talk about three stages on the path to being all you can be. First, do you lack self-love? Your keys that you’re stuck here include a whole range of conscious or subconscious fears and self-doubt, finding yourself in jobs and relationships that are “too small” for you, and yearning for more in your life, but deep down, not feeling that you deserve it.
After you tackle your feelings of unworthiness, the next sticking point is lack of clarity. You recognize that where you are now in your life is unfulfilling, and you’ve developed enough self-esteem to be ready to overcome your fears. Yet you’re unsure of where to go, what to do, or whom to be with next. Life is a big question mark. Essentially, you’ve forgotten your life purpose, i.e. what you came here to do.
The last stage in the cave of darkness is commitment. You’ve now gotten clarity on what you’re passionate about contributing to the planet, but you still stop yourself from making the leap and doing it. Many people end up back in stage one here, lack of self-confidence and self-love. They allow all of their fears about financial insecurity and failure and their family’s or society’s views of what’s acceptable and desirable to override their innate trust of themselves and their purpose.
Does this decision make me feel bigger or smaller? Even after reaching the point of self-love, clarity, and commitment – of shining brightly in your life – we humans constantly struggle on a daily basis to maintain our light. For any given decision or issue you are struggling with, I would urge you to let your intuition lead the way. The intellect and emotions can help out, but must be politely asked to step aside if their voices of “should” or fear cloud your calm, centered inner voice. As you’re facing a given decision, notice how you feel in your deepest inner space. Does this course of action make you feel constricted or expansive? If constricted and negative, it’s the wrong way, or there are some negative beliefs or behaviors you need to clear first before choosing that route. If expansive and positive, that’s the path to take.
Does this action move me closer toward or farther from my life vision? When we get lost, it’s often because we’ve forgotten where we’re going. Take your map out of your pocket and remind yourself. Ask yourself: will this next step move me closer in the direction to achieving what I came here to do or farther away? Perhaps this action or decision will merely keep me stagnating or running in circles. As you’re cutting through your “poor me” or “I can’t” stories and other negative patterns, stay focused on where you want to be in life.
Am I staying in the present moment? At the same time that you’re keeping your big picture vision and goals in mind, it’s important to “be here now.” Too often, we get lost in the past, either regretting or reminiscing, or we jump ahead to the future, fearing or yearning for what’s yet to come. Meanwhile, we’re missing out on our experiences right now. You can’t enjoy the moment if you’re not in it.
Am I taking time every day to re-calibrate my compass to happiness? It’s important to have some sort of daily practice that keeps you on track on your path of joy. It could be as simple as asking yourself in the shower, “What do I need today to be happy?” Some people like to meditate and get centered and calm before starting their days. I myself am a big fan of taking 5-10 minutes first thing in the morning before I get out of bed to check in with all parts of myself. In turn, I ask my intellect, emotional self, and body, “How are you feeling, and what do you need today?” I then ask my intuition if there are any messages I need to hear today, any words of wisdom from my inner self.
It’s always fascinating to me to quietly listen to what comes bubbling up. Sometimes, I can’t hear any answer, and that’s OK too. I’ve suppressed my inner voice and have distracted myself with “to do” lists for so many years that I understand it sometimes takes a bit more time for me to connect to my true self. However, I have found that with patience and being still, an answer always comes.
Am I being gentle with myself and others? Being gentle and compassionate with yourself and others is key to being happy. We humans are often so hard on ourselves and others. We must soften with patience and understanding the harsh judgment and impossible standards we put on ourselves and those around us, especially those we love. Otherwise, if we are always expecting ourselves and others to be perfect, we will be constantly disappointed and unhappy.
For more thoughts on finding joy and happiness, keep your eyes out for my next book, The Road to Joy. Also stay posted for my other “Words of Wisdom” columns.
© 2008 by Laurie Gardner
