In Spanish, the word “esperar” means both to wait and to hope. This is a good lesson.
How many of us wait not with hope, but with impatience and doubt? Much of life requires waiting, and how we wait can make all the difference to our happiness.
When you’re on a long line at the post office, on hold for a service rep, or waiting for a plane that’s running late, how do you wait? Are you kind and patient with those in charge? Do you “check out” by putting on headphones . . . distract yourself by sending texts or email . . . or chat and laugh with those around you?
What about when you’re waiting to hear back from someone about something important, like news from a loved one or whether or not you’ve been accepted to an opportunity where you’ve applied? Are you hopeful, calm, and detached, or anxious and angry at how long it’s taking to get a response?
I’m stuck in the waiting game right now, as I wait to hear back from multiple people who have a hand in different aspects of getting my book out into the world. Initially, I felt really impatient, fearful, and stressed. Then I realized that I was making myself even more miserable by spinning in negative energy. So I decided to try out a couple of mantras to help me to let go and allow things to unfold:
“It’ll happen when it happens.”
“It’s on Universe (God’s) time.”
To get in an even better place— feeling both excited and hopeful, but without any expectations of a specific outcome—I remind myself:
“The right people will step up to help me at just the right time.”
“If not this, then something better.”
“If I get rejected, it’s not the right match for me.”
Now I don’t mind the wait as much. It’s still hard not knowing what’s around the bend and not being in control, but a bigger part of me even feels grateful that I don’t have to be responsible for driving these particular pieces.
Ironically, things often turn out even better when we don’t push them according to our desired timeline or approach. Recently, I was frustrated by not getting an immediate response from someone so I could book an airline ticket and a place to stay. But when I did hear back, I ended up getting an even cheaper flight with 30,000 free bonus miles and an offer from a friend to stay at her timeshare that’s much nicer and more convenient than my targeted hotel.
The bottom line is that when we can’t control the timing or outcome, all we can do is control our attitude. So the next time you feel your blood pressure rising as you’re waiting for something to occur, remember:
“Everything is happening exactly as it should, ultimately in your best interest.”
What a timely blog! I have been going through this very scenario for the past two weeks in the pursuit of a new job. Wow, you hit the nail on the head. I experienced all of those feelings and even received similar advice from my closest friends.
Dear Laurie,
You are a bountiful reservoir of blessed
optimism. You spread amazing and wonderful karma with your essays. In today’s exceedingly stressful world, your words are,indeed, a welcome breath of fresh air. “Patience is a virtue”; however, many, including myself, experience frequent lapses in that category. Your present essay is a timely reminder that we should hold tightly to the well-spring of optimism and positive thinking. We all need to remind ourselves of the benefits of patience and positivism. You are the “Joanna Appleseed” of the benefits of positive perspectives and how our thoughts and actions pave the path(s) that we follow. Great work !! Great essay !
Love, Uncle Harris
Hi Laurie, This was right up my alley and a very poignant reminder! I have a cousin, a niece and a daughter-in-law who basically don’t want to have a relationship with me. I’ve tried in the past but to no avail. Recently, I called all three as my ‘last ditch effort’ and then let it go. I concur with you … it’s in God’s hands and not mine. Hallelujah! Thank you and blessings to you in our Lord, Kats
As usual, Laurie Gardner cuts through the typical advice jargon with cogent examples of the problem and of workable solutions. I too have recently had a bad experience with an airline rep, and felt all the emotions she focused upon.
It’s always good to read you, but this time was even better.
I really needed something talking about “esperar.”
In the last month, I have been waiting for a decision from someone.
In the first week, I was like Juliet- dying of love and things like that, but when I did my “espera,” and I adopted another attitude, things were better.
I think this waiting matters 🙂 and i will keep going.
Thanks for this space to think about life!!!
Besos!!
Laurie – really like the rejoinder – everything is happening exactly as it should – I’m putting that into my mantra bank.
Thanks
Shirley
Your blog is timely as my family and I await news of my husband’s very real job prospect that would inform a cross-country move. I especially appreciate how you share in an authentic way–even when that includes exposing vulnerable parts of yourself. Thanks for the courage you display.